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A lesbian is a homosexual woman or girl. [3] [4] [5] The word is also used for women in relation to their sexual identity or sexual behavior, regardless of sexual orientation, or as an adjective to characterize or associate nouns with female homosexuality or same-sex attraction.
- Overview
- First things first: What’s the exact definition?
- Wait, so lesbians don’t have to be cisgender?
- Am I lesbian if I had a spicy sex dream with someone of a similar gender?
- Is there a quiz that I can take?
- Then how am I supposed to know if I’m a lesbian?
- What does being lesbian ‘look’ like?
- Do I have to be butch or femme?
- Is there anything that ‘causes’ your orientation?
- What does this mean for my sexual and reproductive health?
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On TikTok, it’s Le$bean. In “The L Word,” it’s lez. And for most everyone else, it’s lesbian.
Whether you letter-swap, abbreviate, or not, this guide is for anyone who’s ever asked themselves, “Am I a lesbian?”.
Like other sexual identity categories, the definition varies slightly based on who’s doing the defining.
“The most accurate definition to lesbian history is that a lesbian is a non-man who loves, dates, or f*cks other non-men,” says Jordan Underwood, a nonbinary lesbian, fat activist, model, and content creator.
The above definition is more explicitly gender-inclusive than the definition often given for lesbian.
The definition Vanderbilt University’s LGBTQ+ resource center gives, for example, reads: “Usually refers to a woman who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation toward women. Some nonbinary people also identify with this term.”
N-O-P-E!
“There’s often a misunderstanding that comes from TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminist) rhetoric that all lesbians are AFAB (assigned female at birth) and that lesbianism is centered around vaginas,” Underwood says. But these two things are FALSE.
First, anyone who isn’t a man (regardless of their assigned gender at birth) can be a lesbian.
Second, centering lesbianism around vaginas is trans exclusionary.
“It excludes and invalidates trans femme and trans women lesbians, and it also implies that trans men are lesbians if they’re attracted to women and other non-men,” Underwood explains.
“Trans and nonbinary lesbians have existed throughout history, including Storme DeLarverie (he/him pronouns) and Leslie Feinberg (ze/hir pronouns),” Underwood adds.
Your dreamscape alone isn’t reason enough to doubt your sexuality or to begin identifying as a lesbian.
“Having sex with someone in a dream isn’t the same as being a lesbian,” says Katrina Knizek, a lesbian and sex therapist who specializes in helping people explore their sexuality.
There are many other reasons you might have a “lesbian sex dream” that have nothing to do your sexual orientation, she says.
To name a few:
•You watched “The L Word,” “Below Her Mouth,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” or any other movie or TV episode that featured a lesbian relationship or non-man on non-man kiss or sex scene.
•You watched “lesbian porn” at some point recently.
If only a Buzzfeed quiz held all the answers! *Sighs dramatically*
But no, there isn’t a quiz or test you can take that will tell you your sexuality. And it isn’t because there hasn’t been someone to make the quiz — it’s because a quiz wouldn’t work.
“Finding out that you might be a lesbian can feel different for everyone,” Underwood says.
Some people just know! Others need to do a little self-reflection first.
If you’re reading this article, odds are you’re in the latter camp. Marla Renee Stewart, MA, a lesbian, queer sex educator, and sexpert for adult wellness brand and retailer Lovers, recommends spending some time asking yourself:
•Does the term ‘lesbian’ feel empowering, promising, home-y, exciting, or secure?
•Does identifying as lesbian give me access to the community or support I’m craving?
•Can I identify a pattern of being romantically, emotionally, or sexually attracted to non-men?
“There is no one way a lesbian looks,” Knizek says. “There are as many ways to dress and look as a lesbian as there are with any other sexuality.”
Gender presentation — how you dress, how you walk, how you talk, and so on — isn’t what makes someone a lesbian, Underwood notes. Self-identification is.
If you’re on lesbian TikTok or have been reading up on lesbian history, you may have heard of lesbians identifying as butch, femme, or futch — or by terms that are exclusive to Black lesbians, like stud and stemme.
These terms are known as ‘lesbian genders’ and work to name a few gender expressions within lesbianism. And often, these terms come with a rich history.
However, you don’t need to identify as butch, femme, or by any other lesbian gender. You can, if you choose, identify simply as lesbian.
Lesbian, after all, is an identity label regarding the people we love, date, or f*ck, not necessarily about gender presentation, Underwood says.
“What’s most important is that you’re expressing yourself, your gender, and your sexuality in the ways that make you feel affirmed,” Underwood says.
“You don’t have to commit to butchdom for your entire life or chop your hair off or use different pronouns,” they say. Nor do you have to go all-out on high heels and lipstick to embrace a high-femme identity, if that doesn’t feel authentic.
In a human sexuality or psychology class, this is an interesting question to philosophize. However, outside those specific contexts, this question is, at best, insulting and, at worst, homophobic.
It insinuates that everyone is supposed to be straight, and that, if someone identifies otherwise, something went wrong and caused it. *Eye roll*
Here’s the deal: Your sexual orientation isn’t what dictates your risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or unwanted pregnancy during sexual activities. It’s your testing, barrier use, and birth control practices that do.
Unfortunately, the sex education people receive in school — if they receive it at all — is so cis-heterosexual that sexual minorities often don’t know the risks involved in sexual acts other than penis-in-vagina (P-in-V) intercourse.
A guide for anyone who’s ever asked themselves, “Am I a lesbian?” Learn the definition, history, and diversity of lesbian identity, and how to explore your sexuality in a healthy way.
- Melissa Kravitz Hoeffner
- 'The Prom' Ryan Murphy’s big musical movie, adapted from the Broadway show by the same name, premiered in December 2020 and has left many singing the bubbly soundtrack since.
- 'The Half of It' Filmmaker Alice Wu’s outstanding follow-up to her early aughts romcom, Saving Face, received high acclaim when it debuted on Netflix in spring 2020.
- 'Duck Butter' A film that basically takes place in quarantine before many of us knew quarantine was a thing we’d have to do, this indie film from 2018 follows two women who meet at a bar and decide to go through all the stages of an intense romance within just 24 hours.
- 'Vita & Virginia' One of several “forbidden love period dramas” from the late 2010s (it’s a whole genre), Vita & Virginia is a fictionalized biopic of Virginia Woolf and her lover, author Vita Sackville-West.
Some lesbian or bisexual women dislike oral sex because they do not like the experience or due to psychological or social factors, such as finding it unclean. Other lesbian or bisexual women believe it is a necessity or largely defines lesbian sexual activity.
Out.com covers everything lesbian, from interviews with TV personalities to developments with LGBT women's sexual health. Find out the latest on lesbian dating shows, films, celebrities, and more.
May 28, 2024 · Meliza Banales. Lesbianism is the tendency of a human female to be emotionally and usually sexually attracted to other females, or the state of being so attracted.
Mar 20, 2024 · Learn what it means to be a lesbian, how to identify your sexual orientation, and what challenges lesbians face in society. Find out about the history, culture, and health issues of the lesbian community.
