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- Wayne Parker
- Help Your Kids Cope. Divorce can be difficult for a child. All at once, their family life gets turned upside down. You may not initially see the impact of a painful divorce on the kids, so keep in mind that your kids may be hurting even if they aren't showing it.
- Try to Stay Close By. When your kids no longer live with you full time, maintaining a relationship with them takes a little more effort. Staying in close proximity to the custodial parent's home can make spending time with your kids more convenient.
- Stay Connected From a Distance. Sometimes a military deployment or a job keeps you from living near your child’s other parent. When you live far away from your kids, relationships can be strained.
- Be Prepared for Child Support. If you are the non-custodial parent after a divorce, you will likely be ordered to pay child support. Child support is financial support—most often paid by the non-custodial parent to the custodial parent—for the purpose of financially supporting the children.
- It’S Painful, No Matter What
- You Might Be in Debt For A While
- You May Lose A Lot of Friends
- It Will Be Hard to Get Back “Out There”
- You’Ll Miss Your Kids…
- …But It Can Also Bring You Closer to Them
- You Might Feel Paranoid
- It Will Be Hard to Sort Through Your Stuff
- Therapy Can Help
- You Might Feel Defensive
“My wife cheated on me. After the initial shock, my emotions turned into raw anger. So I thought that the divorce would feel liberating, and rewarding. I felt like I’d be rid of her, so I’d be rid of those emotions. But, that wasn’t the case. Things were just really painful for a while. It was a mix. Sadness. Anger. Hopelessness. We were married fo...
“The legal process for my divorce cost more than $10,000. For me, that debt is pretty crippling. I don’t make a lot of money, and I’m completely stretched financially. Emotionally — at least as it related to the relationship — I think I bounced back pretty well. Financially, though, I feel really, really angry. She’s the one who filed for divorce, ...
“The hardest part about life after divorce was realizing that most of our friends were mutual. I brought some into the relationship, and so did she. They were ‘my friends’ and ‘her friends’. But, over time — over seven years — they became ‘our friends’. And when we split, the lineups weren’t the same as when we started. No one really took sides. It...
“I think it’s been about three years since our divorce was finalized. And I haven’t had the slightest inclination or interest in dating. I don’t know exactly why. My wife and I were married for three years, but we dated for, like, seven. So, maybe I’m just exhausted. My friends will even try to set me up, and I’m just like, ‘Nah. I’m good.’ And I r...
“We have joint custody of our two kids. Both are almost teenagers, a boy and a girl. Our arrangement is probably the best one you could ask for. We both have even time with them, things are civil, and so on. But, I miss them every day they’re not with me. Not being able to see them when I wake up and go to bed — every morning and every night — has ...
“Honestly, divorce was the best thing to happen to my relationship with my kids. When we were together, my wife and I did nothing but fight. There was so much tension that it alienated our kids. We were like two separate people in the same house, instead of a couple or a team. And our kids were spectators the whole time. Now that we’ve separated, e...
“I felt like people were talking about me all the time. Like, ‘Oh my gosh! Did you hear so-and-so got divorced?’ Like, honestly, I was imagining people sitting around at a garden party gossiping about my divorce. And that went on for a while. Really, it was on my mind before, during, and after the whole thing happened. I’m anxious by nature, but th...
“I had to get rid of a lot of stuff when we got divorced. Neither of us could afford the house separately, so we both had to downsize our living situations. We have a son, so she found an apartment, and I was able to sublet a condo. I remember having to get rid of so much stuff that seemed so, so important before we split up. I kept pictures and bo...
“I actually owe my ex-wife for the gift of therapy in my life. She insisted that we go as a couple before we decided to divorce. So, technically, that round of therapy didn’t really work. But that’s because we weren’t right for each other. I’ve kept going to therapy, because I actually really enjoyed and benefited from the process. Even though we w...
“It’s weird, but I find myself sticking up for my ex wife a lot more than I thought I would. We were an okay couple, and I think things could’ve either gotten better or worse after we got married. It was one of those hit or miss things which, in hindsight, is definitely not how you want to feel about getting married. When we split up, I had a lot o...
- Don’t Go It Alone. “Do not attempt to manage a divorce without professional legal help,” insists Roy Smith, not his real name, a divorced father of two from Pennsylvania.
- Avoid Dishing Dirt. It’s crucial for both parties to either not discuss their ex or only mention them to the kids in a positive light, suggests Mediator Dori sSwirtz of DivorceHarmony.
- Consider Mediation. “Mediation is a crucial piece of the puzzle for the majority of divorcing couples,” insists Shwirtz. Mediation empowers both parties to make the decisions for themselves.
- Please Don’t Use Your Kids As Pawns. Children can easily become weapons in a battle between parents, witnessing raw emotions, and often being manipulated by one or both parents if things turn toxic.
- You divorced your ex, not your kids. While some divorced dads disconnect from their kids when they separate from their ex-wives, the divorce can actually be an opportunity to re-connect with your children.
- The only parenting expectations worth a damn are your own. Divorce frees you from not only your ex-wife’s expectations, but those of your parents, her parents, Dr. Phil, and all those dads you see talking joyously about fatherhood on Jay Leno.
- There’s no such thing as a part-time dad. You’re either a dad or you’re not. Many divorced dads spend more time with their kids than fathers in intact families—think of dads in the military, or dads who work 12-hour days.
- You are not a babysitter. Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free. There’s no need to constantly take your children on expensive adventures, shower them with gifts, or keep them perpetually entertained, as if filling a perceived hole in their happiness.
Nov 28, 2022 · Learn how to cope with divorce, prioritize self-care, and create new family traditions with your children. Find tips on discipline, quality time, and keeping it civil with your ex-spouse.
- Patrick A. Coleman
A site for divorced dads, where heartfelt stories, practical advice, and genuine support converge to empower and uplift fathers.
Jun 27, 2024 · Going through a divorce or other major issues at home will affect your motivation as a dad and your ability to connect with your kids. Take steps to improve those other issues—and get help if needed—because it’s the right thing to do, and because it helps you be a better dad.
